BJ Not BK

What is the worst gift you have ever received? Read more to find out what is not on my wish list.

iPods, GPS units, laptops, digital camers are all pretty cool but what makes bjnotbk's top 5 all time greatest Christmas gifts? Here you go. #5. The BB gun. My entire kid life was spent wishing away my life as I coveted a BB gun. My dreams were filled with endless days of setting up coke cans and picking them off one by one as I honed my sharp shooting skills. Alas the dream was never realized as my parents deemed the bb gun to be one of the top 5 most dangerous Christmas gifts ever. #4. The Bike I remember it as if it were yesterday. My sister and I woke up very early that Christmas morning to find two sweet bikes parked in our kitchen. I can't remember what L's was but mine was a sweet red and white bmx bike complete with padded handlebars and knobby tires. I was so excited that I took off out the door in my pajamas as the snow came down. #3. Ms. Pac Man Miniature Arcade Game My mom told us we could open one present before Christmas, our incessant whining finally wore her...

I hate cliches...don't you? Let's cut to the chase. If you could have any super power in the world what would it be? Most people say flying and most men say X-ray vision or invisibility. We won't go there. Here is the challenge to you my faithful readers. What obscure super power would you choose for yourself if you could? Here is mine: I would give myself the ability to manipulate and control melon fruits. I would call myself - HONEY DO!!! My powers would give me the ability to control, manipulate, move, transform, shape, any melon fruit into any fashion I so choose. Here are some examples: I could fashion a jet fighter out of fresh cantelope. With a watermelon I could build a bridge or heal the planet of global warming. You get the idea. My weakness would be that melon fruit is seasonal. If the melon is out of season then I would not have my super powers so....my challenge would be to hire a young sidekick, Pit, and he would be in charge of my underground hot house where...

Here is the part of the show where you, the faithful reader, submit your favorite joke's punchline. Please, family friendly material only. Remember, we are only posting the punchline. Here is mine: "Do you want that bridge in 2 or 4 lanes?"

I slept like a baby last night, meaning I woke about every 2 hours cried, ate, and then used the bathroom, I am too young for this yet something serene happened to me early this morning, something surreal. As I finally dozed off I fell into a deep sleep, relaxed, calm, and I began to dream. I don't recall the dream but a sense of euphoria crept over me, peace settled on my trouble mind like a Yugoslavian snow drift. I awoke but this time I neither cried nor ate, something big had just happened, something that would forever change my world but what? Then I remembered that my barber informed me that this morning at 11:00 GMT (6AM EST) 5 million people had pledged to join around their computers to send positive energy and love out simultaneously to heal the planet [ link ]. Why hadn't someone thought about this before? I looked at my clock and wouldn't you know it.......6:35 A.M. what was this strange emotional calm I had just entered? Had I just been engulfed by the love of the...

I wish I could make this stuff up but I can't. This weekend the FDA released an announcement warning against "tainted veggie booty" [ link ]. Tainted with what and how? That is why I only eat all meat booty. Goofy vegans.